“Arghavan” tells the story of an Iranian trans woman navigating a long and challenging journey. Her story is one of resilience as she faces obstacles in pursuit of her true identity.
Arghavan views being trans as one of the most bittersweet and profound experiences that opened a window in her life, allowing her to understand herself better as a human being. This new perspective changed how she saw life and the world.
Like many other trans people, Arghavan’s journey of self-discovery began in childhood and was always accompanied by struggle.
Feeling a sense of difference between herself and her surroundings marked the beginning of her fight, one that brought with it many challenges. As a child, her struggles centered around choosing playmates, toys, and clothes that others deemed inappropriate for her as a boy.
However, she resisted the roles and definitions imposed on her. The battle with her closest family members, especially her parents, began early on. Her parents saw her as a boy and wanted her to behave like other boys, following social norms and expectations. But this was impossible for Arghavan.
Before starting school, the challenges and tensions weren’t as heavy, and the differences weren’t as noticeable. But once she began school, reality hit her with a different face. Perhaps the hardest experiences of her trans identity began during her school years in Iran’s gender-segregated educational system.
Entering a boys’ school made her realize she couldn’t define herself in that environment, and she felt excluded. It was agonizing to wake up each morning and head to a place so different from her world, not understanding why this was being forced upon her at such a young age.
She was a child, unable to explain her feelings or fight this imposed reality, and her only weapon was tears. Every day she cried, forced to attend school.
The small feminine world she had built for herself was taken from her as her teenage years began, and the pressure to be more masculine made everything harder.
The confusion and guilt that society, culture, religion, and the environment instilled in people like Arghavan during those years made it impossible for her to express her feelings to her family and those around her.
Along with her sense of exclusion, she simultaneously experienced guilt and blame. The older she became and as her sexual instincts intensified, the stronger these feelings of guilt and self-hatred became.
Arghavan’s life was a big lie - a lie she told herself and the lies she had to tell others to hide her true self. However, university provided her with access to more information. This knowledge helped her better understand herself as a trans woman and take steps toward self-acceptance.
When she realized she was a trans woman and that transformation was possible, it was time to make a decision - a terrifying decision that could lead to her being rejected by her family and community, leaving her homeless and wandering the streets.
So, she worked to stand on her own feet, take independent steps toward her true self, and then undergo surgery. She did it - she had the surgery and became her true self - but that was not the end. Life still had more lessons to teach her, and she now had to step into the world as a new woman, something that wasn’t easy.
She learned that the things she feared existed only in her mind. She wasn’t rejected by her family or relatives. In the end, her family accepted her, and she worked to reintegrate into social life. The strength she gained from this acceptance helped her make peace with herself as well.
Today, Arghavan’s life still has its ups and downs. She has emigrated and is experiencing life in different ways, but she still believes that the journey of self-discovery is far from over.
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