Iran and the inter-NOT

You have probably heard that Iranians are whizzes at getting around the government’s internet censorship.

Yes we are, especially the young. Even I, in my middle age, have a VPN — a virtual private network — that should let me read and watch whatever I want, in theory.

In practice, it’s a different story.

Let me walk you through a recent evening.

At nine o’clock I decided to watch a lecture online, “The Semiotics of Iranian Myths”, delivered by Bahram Beyzai at Princeton University. It is about the Middle East and Old Testament references to Noah and the flood. Frankly, this is a topic more likely to put the regime’s internet spooks to sleep than set off their subversion alarms.

I fired up the VPN and went to the site. That maddening little hourglass icon appeared – turning over and over and over and over in the top left-hand corner of my iPad.

I watched it for a while, then decided to distract myself with Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s short story “No One Writes to the Colonel.” It was a good distraction, three pages long, about a dentist with no formal training who punishes the local mayor by pulling out a wisdom tooth without anaesthetic.

Once it was finished, I checked the clock. Nine twenty. No sign of Bahram Beyzai. Just the spinning hourglass.

In frustration I hit the iPad, then poked at a few keys, like someone waiting for a slow elevator prods at the buttons. Nothing happened, so I went to the living room and turned on the news.

Ten minutes later, I checked the iPad again. The hourglass was still spinning, so I returned to Marquez and the next short story, “There are No Thieves in This Town. "

Suddenly, I heard a few words: “..... holy books — the Old and New Testaments and even the Koran — represent a historical turning point.....”

Yes. It was Beyzai’s voice!

It went on for another tantalizing half a sentence: “...when a group of people turn from multiple gods to a single deity.....”.

Then he was gone again.

Silence. The hourglass returned.

I picked up my book one more time and read: "Damaso came back to the room at the crack of dawn. His wife Ana, six months pregnant, was waiting for him sitting on the bed, dressed and with her shoes on..."

But before I could pick up the thread of Damaso’s story, Beyzai’s voice interrupted again, advising his Princeton audience to read the creation myth of Gilgamesh.

Then he was gone again.

Ten thirty-three pm. The hourglass came back, steadily spinning — but I’d had enough.

I am a fan of Beyzai. This acclaimed Iranian writer, playwright and film maker turned to the world wide web as a way of reaching people everywhere. Except us.  Here in his native country he’s pushed out of reach by paranoia interference from the Iranian security services.

I hope, dear reader, my story of frustration will make you appreciate what you have – fast, unfettered access to the feast of ideas, sights and sounds available online – without the hourglass.

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